Beyond Price

I was overwhelmed by fatigue, physically, mentally, and emotionally. After SYF, I just could not remove myself from my beloved bed. Luckily, I had managed to suspend or cancel some of my lessons. Tears rolled down my individual students’ cheeks when I forced them to rest for 3 weeks, and many thanks to LH for standing-in a few sessions to conduct the practices for my primary schools during my absence. I know that this is not fair to them but I know that if I do not devote myself to NY and NJC this SYF, I will live with regrets.

True enough, when they finished their playing at SCH, I am at peace with myself, contended and happy. They had finally understood the true meaning of music and art; performed their music with passion, emotions, depth, precision, and concentration; to them the award is secondary, they were pleased with their own performance; learned from their mistakes, forgave their teammates’ unintended blunder; matured, showing true sportsmanship, thinking and behaving like musicians.

GOD is kind. Both schools were awarded Gold with Honours. Their efforts were recognized and appreciated. Their performance had proven them worthy of their award. Before SYF, my greatest nightmare is not about them playing horribly, but for them receiving an award that they do not deserve. Even if they had played terribly that day, I will always be proud of them.

用心

对Blogging 的兴趣产生在去年的这个时期。就因为CCAB 会议中LYF的一句话，让我觉得我必须更深入地了解学生们的心理。学校提供的课外活动时间往往不足，只能用来解决演奏上的部分问题；心理方面的问题，实在是顾不上。

大学时代，我最不能忍受的是主科(古筝)老师严密的监管。他始终坚信全方面地培育学生、强调心理素质的栽培。因此连哪位同学进过我的琴房和我谈了多长他都一清二楚，甚至比我的父亲更严厉、比我更了解我自己。我何尝不了解他。所以，就算厌烦也不敢多吭一声。只是我对老师的了解方式和他不太相同。在艺术方面，我努力地达到他的要求，往往比他预期的效果还好；在生活方面，我也很用心。后来，我比他还清楚他们家东西的摆放。最后，他还没开口我已经知道他要讲什么。

其实，我从小就异常认真地听课，更妙的是有选择性的听我需要的东西。好奇心不强的我，对老师们的私生活没多大兴趣，从不八卦也不去记。除了对课程的重点特别敏感外，我还清楚知道老师喜欢什么样的题型与答题方式。当然，我的预知能力也超强，测中测验题/考试题的概率奇高。所以，不用花太多时间就可以考取不错的成绩。

两年前的现在我很累。那时有三间学校参加SYF。今年我只剩两间学校参加SYF，但是我却更加疲惫。了解的背后是更多的耕耘，付出的时间、心力自然多。当然，我不可能完全了解每一位学生并解决所有的问题。但是，我已经很努力了。只是，同学们又有多了解我呢？指挥棒落下的刹那间，你们真的知道我要是什么吗？

Making the BEST out of the WORST

There is always too much things to do and to think about. Nowadays, I would not have time to sit down and enjoy any television drama nor have enough sleep. But, I do occasionally catch a glimpse or two while keeping my mother company.

The last time I saw something was a scene in Miracles on Channel 8. A doctor was helping an emotional mother of two daughters to see things from a different perspective. A mother of many children would always think of saving her weakest child in times of danger. When, however, the weakest child has no chance of recovery, should the mother only think of her dying child and not try to save her other child. Killing the dying child in the surgery may be cruel and unbearable, but that was the only way to give her other child an opportunity to live.

I was reminded of the days when I am forced to extract my wisdom tooth. I had four and I just could not bear to part with them. But, according to the doctor, due to the limited amount of space left in my mouth, I will continuously suffer from toothaches. Furthermore, it can never grow out of the gums. Not matter how hard I tried to keep them, they are all gone now.

For most working adults, they only work in a company and a boss to please. As a freelance music instructor, I cannot survive if I had only a boss. Therefore, I have many which could explain why I am so busy. Another reason is my bosses always think that they are my only employer. Honestly speaking, I had limited myself services to as few as possible to produce quality products. Unfortunately, not all my production lines are functioning well. If I cannot fix the problem, it is always best to terminate the problematic ones so that they will not hinder the others; a wise solution but a painful choice. I should be fair to the rest, right?

我不是垃圾

LZ老师每次都说我笨，哪有学生学不会，老师躲在被窝里哭的。自然是责骂学生，只有学生哭，哪能让学生委屈老师。但是，我命贱，学不会的拚了老命也要教会。所以，活该受气。最要命的，有些连做人都不会的，还要学琴；不只要学琴，还什么都要；困难还没有克服，就去找麻烦；做了很多的事，就是和应该奏的乐曲沾不上边；想了很多，就是没想如何去弹奏、如何使手指的运动弹奏出所追求的音响效果；最可耻的是，早已忘却了音乐是声音的艺术。

其实也没什么必要去委屈自己，更不必浪费宝贵的时间与泪水在一群散漫、不求上进、无药可救的音乐白痴身上。以前我总觉得做兼职不稳定。近日才发觉兼职的好处，可以随时辞职，也可以失踪，就是不出现，谁也奈何不了我。

每次学生SYF的乐曲都是自己编的。连人都不会做的恐怕是奏不好了，还不如及早使用编曲权禁止他们演奏，以免公众以为编作者是垃圾。

I don’t want to be Humpty Dumpty

Since young, I fall down easily. I have difficulties in balancing myself; to make things worst, my low blood pressure never fails to create a dizzy spell. It is common for me to have one or two fall every month at any time or place. The latest one was outside NJC during the March holidays.

I just cannot help falling down. It is my disease to fight. Facing the fall is my challenge. I do not know when it will happen again. But, I do make sure that it will not happen at the same place. I will not change my route to avoid the place. Instead, I will take a good look at the spot where I have fallen, analysis the geographical environment, and take extra care every time I walk pass there to keep myself in one piece.

Maybe this is why I hate running.

ps: A 卤蛋 will be awarded to each student who understand the moral of this post and practice it.

感动以后

GZ PLEDGE!!
We, the gz freaks of N-Y-G-Z,
pledge ourselves as loyal,devoted gz fans.
Regardless of batch, group, or committee,
to build a bonded ensemble,
based on yin1 zhun3, gan3 qing2, and qi2-ness
so as to achieve gold with honours, applause and HARMONY!!!
GO NYGZ !!

- Written by:
The Rs ((:

Two of my sec 2 girls posted this on their team-blog on 28th March 2007. Majority of the rest felt that it is cute; tong suggested reciting the pledge after greeting me; zp applauded the idea and added that “Singapore create national identity, we create CCA identity.”

I was very touched when I first saw it. My girls are more diligence, discipline and motivated than I had ever hoped for. Each is giving her best to the team, making a difference in each practice, and slowly overcoming our obstacles.

I wish I could like this pledge. I love their “based on yin1 zhun3, gan3 qing2, and qi2-ness”. However, will these elements be enough? What other fundamentals of music are required?

I admire their courage and their determination to succeed. However, should Gold with Honours be our ultimate goal? Should we play guzheng just for an award or for the Art? Why are we doing all these? At the end of the day, where will “We” be after SYF?